im getting really annoyed with life. i feel like id be better off dead so much of the time these days. i wake up everyday and just hope that ill feel better and that life wont rear its ugly head around and take randall away from me. i worry i worry i worry and then i worry some more. class seems pointless. schoolwork seems pointless. i feel like i dont have enough friends and that randall and i spend too much time together. i feel like the future is a black hole sucking away at any shred of dreams i have. and then every once in awhile i feel on top of things like i can conquer all of it and its just in my head. but wheres the balance? why cant i be okay?

i still kind of wonder if i might be bipolar.