excerpt from the legal pad diary

written 12/28/05 @ 3:19 pm.

she writes in waves only the mind cound concoct, but even still only the heart could interpret, with emotions so full they spill onto the page with life, something much of the time unknown to her. the release is had as the pen touches the paper in rapid succession.

tear pen, tear into these fragile ideas and suck out the very marrow at its core, she requests.

the idea of a sting of death is banished to her now, covered by something new, something far better. life isn't foreign, but surrounding her with a sense of need, of belonging. if only she could make real the notions inside of her, pleading with her to be uncaged. the idea of no fear in death is still so uncertain, beating inside of her one moment and fleeting the next. she wants concrete belief. she wants this idea of life to come before the one of death, both so inevitable.

she pleads with life to bleed from her pen, from her eyes wracked with fraught, from her wretched and frightened body and soul. she prays these mere scribblings on a page are enough to give as an offering, an exchange for what she cries out like a blinded child for - life.


i added some stuff to it today. it was really really rough. still is. but i wrote it when i was deeply in need of writing on paper rather than burning it so as to welcome toxins into my lungs.