unbridled anger

i'm completely enraged with my life. my doubts about the good points are fading fast and i'm really close to completely snapping.

morgan is a bitch. i hate her. i hate her. i hate her. my life up to this point has been pretty rough, but i made it through with the hopes that college would bring me a greater sense of individualism and a new fresh start. basically, id have more control over what goes on in my life. not the case on so many levels. i do have a wonderful boyfriend and my best friend from middle school and i are still close, but everything else has fucked me over. ever since i moved in with that conniving whore shes treated me like like a fucking dog and its about time she got her head shoved up her ass and her hair pulled out of her head. im motherfucking fed up. ive done nothing to her good-for-nothing lazy ass but pay the bills, clean the apartment, take out her fucking dog when she wasnt even here without complaining and what do i get in return? her big ugly asshole of a motherfucking boyfriend comes in and cusses me out and calls me psychotic. the son of a bitch doesnt even know me. he should be drowned in his own drug-positive piss, that lowlife piece of shit. i dont give a damn if i never see her fucking face again but its not my responsibility to pay for her bills. here i sit, stressed out because something in the apartment is malfunctioning causing the utilities to be THREE TIMES as much as they should be, while IIIII call the office to get them to come out and check while FUCKFACE sits on her skinny ass drinking beer and skipping classes for her half-ass major doing nothing about any of these things. i hope she has the most miserable life. and i hope zach gets so fat he cant move, that ugly bastard. i hate him so much it makes my skin crawl.

if this were the first rough situation id experienced it would be one thing, but its not. ive been unhappy since i was 14 and not because im a "lonely teenager full of angst, trying to find my place in the world, going through a phase" or whatever other statistical bullshit the world throws out there, but because my life has been a rollercoaster spiralling towards the ground since then. i dont even wanna go into details because when i think about it i just want to motherfucking burst into flames. financial problems, emotional problems, anxiety disorder, depression... it never ends. if its not one shitty situation, its another. oh but does randall or lindsay or jenni have these problems? no. allison? lauren? no. no no no no NO! i couldnt even have a real friend for a year bc i had to LIE to them bc my mother was afraid someone might think we were poor. my stepdad died without a penny to his name because the poor thing was mentally ill and then developed cancer. my mother treated me like shit through all of highschool so i came out with emotional issues.

end rant for now.