a selection of a conversation

Ghia109: I feel I have to be a recluse to get things done

mynameisashmo: yeahh well sometimes you do

Ghia109: and

Ghia109: its through my seperation that I work things out

mynameisashmo: indeed one needs time of togetherness and solitude to reflect on the deeper hues of this life

mynameisashmo: a balance is needed

Ghia109: but I want to completley withdrawl

Ghia109: and forget it all

Ghia109: and come back

mynameisashmo: having a rough time lately?

Ghia109: 100% different

mynameisashmo: im worried ab my buddy

Ghia109: no

Ghia109: I desire change

Ghia109: but I want to be stoic about it

Ghia109: just accept life for what it is

Ghia109: and be happy

Ghia109: but I cant get that

Ghia109: because I have to change to get that

Ghia109: its like my personality is set into two different mods

Ghia109: stoicness and the desire for change

Ghia109: I ammmmm weeeeeiiiiirrrrrd

Ghia109: who needs depth when our society is sooo damn shallo

Ghia109: w

mynameisashmo: is that rhetorical?

Ghia109: everything is transparent

mynameisashmo: of course

Ghia109: and thin

mynameisashmo: that question answers itself

Ghia109: how so?

mynameisashmo: in a world grown tired of whats real, we should cling to it

mynameisashmo: we only live once

mynameisashmo: suck out the marrow

mynameisashmo: don't stick to just the falsities

mynameisashmo: thats not a word im sure

Ghia109: but why do falsities seem to be more valid then what is on the inside

Ghia109: whats tru

Ghia109: its almost like you have to be someone else

mynameisashmo: we are searching for something deeper and true

mynameisashmo: its inevitable its part of who you ate

mynameisashmo: are*

mynameisashmo: it keeps you going, thriving, wanting

mynameisashmo: without that, what are you? a shell. thats what you are. and a shell has to hold something or its of no value. sure you can look at it, remark about its physical beauty, but how far can it go? perhaps the whole thing sounds cliched but to me its something that i hold dear. i wish i pursued it more, i wish life made more sense, but overall, im glad theres depth even when a washed out and tired world gave up and gave in to something far less purposeful and in the end lifeless

Ghia109: but dept to what? Emotion?

Ghia109: love?

Ghia109: that can all change at the drop of a hat

Ghia109: we are to fickle

Ghia109: we cant see the forest through the trees

Ghia109: we dont know what we wantGhia109: we dont know what makes us happy

mynameisashmo: of course we dont. human condition. mynameisashmo: we're empty

mynameisashmo: we need to be filled

mynameisashmo: im not saying we will be

mynameisashmo: but wanting that, not letting go of a desire to feel something beyond ourselves, is what comes naturally to us

Ghia109: why hold on

Ghia109: why

mynameisashmo: i mean you go and you live for the outside, solely for appearance, and you are going to feel empty

Ghia109: but, if theres no need expressed on the outside

mynameisashmo: you cant just say its empty and call it wrong you will feel emptyGhia109: theres no need for the inside

mynameisashmo: no need for the inside?

Ghia109: yes

Ghia109: the depth

mynameisashmo: how so?

Ghia109: everything is skin deep

Ghia109: on the outside

Ghia109: is there really a need to back it up with inner feelings

Ghia109: all your doing is living in a thin worldGhia109: theres no need for the deep part

Ghia109: the emotion

mynameisashmo: if we cant trust our drive to need more than the outside providees, then what can we trust?

Ghia109: we sweep it under the rug

mynameisashmo: its not something set in stone, we are obligated by law, its a drive

Ghia109: but can you trust anything

mynameisashmo: to want

mynameisashmo: you can?

mynameisashmo: reallY?

mynameisashmo: bc i dont think you can

Ghia109: nothing is solid

Ghia109: that scares me

mynameisashmo: life is going to hurt, theres no doubt

Ghia109: but is it worth the pain

mynameisashmo: but if you give up on living it then you will just exist. no life. only once are you here. there must be a reason. there must be beauty in the sadness, the pain, there must be redemption. and all of this coming from a tragic pessimist.mynameisashmo: it must be worth the pain

mynameisashmo: you were given a life

mynameisashmo: i think it is

mynameisashmo: and dont say i havent had my share of pain.

Ghia109: no, I know you have

Ghia109: every one has

mynameisashmo: and i dont think that what you are thinking is far-fetched or crazy or anything of the sort. i know you're thinking this because you are really thinking... its good.

Ghia109: well. in short

Ghia109: I think I lost the driv

emynameisashmo: i think you've misplaced it

mynameisashmo: i've done it

mynameisashmo: will continue to from time to time

mynameisashmo: dont give up completely. i dont think you can. you are deep and interesting and creative and perceptive and more than the world sees at the blink of an eye. you have a spark, you have a big heart, and none of what you have to offer will go to waste.

Ghia109: but see, i feel that it is

mynameisashmo: a waste?

Ghia109: making it all worth nothing

Ghia109: I just want something solid

mynameisashmo: what do you think constitutes solid?

Ghia109: the one thing that makes it all worth while

Ghia109: lovemynameisashmo: love isnt completely solid

mynameisashmo: i dont find it to be

Ghia109: thats itGhia109: but its my most solid form

mynameisashmo: we cant depend on anything in this world being solid

mynameisashmo: it is the most solid form. but not just romantic love.

Ghia109: No, I want to see past the romantic love

mynameisashmo: into what?

Ghia109: and find it

mynameisashmo: find "it"?

Ghia109: the essence of what it means

mynameisashmo: of what love means?

Ghia109: that thing that keeps people together forever

mynameisashmo: yeah

Ghia109: the thing that says no matter what you do

Ghia109: I still love you

mynameisashmo: unconditional

mynameisashmo: yeah

Ghia109: the absolute surrender to it

mynameisashmo: without fear

Ghia109: thats what I want

mynameisashmo: me too

Ghia109: exactly

Ghia109: and thats what I seek

mynameisashmo: and you want to throw that away?

Ghia109: yes, because I feel I cant obtain it

Ghia109: ever

mynameisashmo: im not sure we'll find it... because i'm not sure a concrete answer exists. our minds are clouded and our hearts fogged with a bleak world's mindless troubles.

Ghia109: and thats why I question the system

Ghia109: all of it

mynameisashmo: just bc you cant find an absolute truth on this earth doesnt mean something beautiful doesnt exist

mynameisashmo: in love

mynameisashmo: in life

mynameisashmo: and the things the heart sees

mynameisashmo: past the advertisements, tv shows, news, pictures, the noise and the clutter and the alleviations for pain... past all of it the heart sees things the basic structure of the mind cant conceive

mynameisashmo: goodness in a person, the way when rain hits the ground it makes perfect circles in a puddle, the way there are some moments in your life that make you want to break down and cry when you cant explain it

Ghia109: thats the purity

mynameisashmo: these things are valued by society. the system isnt just flawed it IS a flaw. its a pursuit of something completely false, something superficial and fruitless. money. greed. beating out others.

mynameisashmo: and its there. whether you find the "essence" of it or not the quest for the essence brings you to the beauty of life. thats why you are instilled with that want for more, so that you may not reach the end in this lifetime, but that you may be able to have your eyes and heart opened along the way. thats what it means to live.