precariousness meets the evil mao

precarious: subject to chance or unknown conditions.

i like that word, precarious. i like the way it rolls off of the tongue. it just sounds fluid, all the while holding on to its element of mystery and intrigue. you don't know why, but you're drawn to it. but i think it's more than the way the word sounds, how about what it means? life is precarious, the choices we make in our lives are precarious at least. all of them. when we choose to follow ourselves [what a poor choice we often make], we submit ourselves to the world of precariousness. we become subject to chance or unknown conditions. it holds an interesting truth, i find. something profoundly simple and hidden - the idea that even something as seemingly small as a word, of which in the world there are many, can in itself show us new truths about ourselves. fresh perspectives. via God.

goodnight. i'm off to fight this weird nausea from chinese food [i'm angry with mao zedong for his past devastating follies set on the country of china during his evil/ignorant reign]. blasted sesame chicken!

i do hope he wakes up refreshed and well-rested and is able to get through the music appreciation exam without much stress or desired pain release. i pray that he would remain consistent in his progress. thank you for him. thank you. i can only hope with all of my heart that what will happen with us will happen for all of the right reasons. thinking about losing him scares me so much i cannot begin to explain. i begin to feel physically ill at the thought of it. please God, please let me keep him safe here in this heart. at least for now. i pray that You change us both, not for each other, but for You and You alone. and we know You have the power as nothing or no one else does. you. are. love.